Ever since the death of Robin Williams, I have been wrestling with myself, on the mystery of thoughts that cause self harm.
It was a few days later after his death I had come across this information which Robin calls "little quiet voice". In the video below, is an interview in which Robin Williams talks about relapsing from addiction.
In the above video, Robin Williams says about the voice that tells alcoholics to take a tiny sip or a person suffering suicidal thoughts to end life.
The truth is that, I am no stranger to these thoughts.
When I knew about Robin Williams, I had posted this on Facebook and looking back at it, I wonder about the seriousness of the matter.
There are few challenges that comes to the mind of some of us when we learn about Robin Williams suicide, Robin was able to do what we didn't have the courage to - ie kill ourselves. We would also be challenged by the fact that a lot of people remembered Robin, a lot of people tweeted or posted about him, and if tomorrow we did decide to end their life, would anyone remember? Death lurks in the dark shadows of pain and anguish. Now if you are in this state, think of one person who would be worried at your death, call them and tell them of your fears, because today is the day of difference. You woke to kill yourself and you are still on Facebook - make one difference to your life - talk the truth. If you don't know anyone, call me. I will listen - I too have been there. Life is not easy, it hurts beyond repair at many times but that is not the end of you. You still have one more day - and you owe this to yourself. Your life doesn't have to find meaning from your shame or fears.
My thoughts were confirmed by the mail to the editor of the Metro UK send by Kimberley Roberts, London as in the picture below.
Ms Kimberley Roberts had said the following
" .... Does no one stop to think what effect these reports have on other people who are suffering depression or having suicidal thoughts? The more the papers sensationalise these issues, the harder it will be for those of us who suffer ill mental health to be open about our issues."
On the same side of the above mentioned paper David from Colchester says "Depression is a silent killer and more needs to be done to highlight it"
It is estimated that nearly 1 million people die because of suicide by the WHO, and this averages to 1 person every 40 seconds. They say that "to understand suicide is a complex with psychological, social, biological, cultural and environmental factors involved".
Recently on talking to a friend who like me had a rough childhood, I was amazed by the way I was able to relate to her fears. For example, she was telling me that the other day while she was descending down the stairs, she had this random thought pop into her mind "what if you fall now and break your head? " - for some of you, her question is to you like - What the heck is that? , but for others like me, its routine, there are many times I have stood at a train station and as the train slowly approached my platform, a thought would arise like "what if I just slipped and fell in front of the train now- would I die?"
Here is my answer, there are lot of us, in fact 1 in every 10 of us that have such thoughts overhanging our minds, ready to come into the front line of our minds when any random trigger comes in and some of us are going to live with this. While some of us could get these thought removed with anti-depressants and counselling, others often find themselves back at these thoughts even two hours after a worship service at Church where we were filled with immense joy. Its like we are auto tuned to sorrow.
There are some things evangelical Christians like us have to remember, depression and suicide is not lack of prayer. It is as Rick Warren said - it is a disorder, like a broken hand or crippled foot, except that it affects the brain. If you are reading this and you are going through these thought, remember, you are not in a bad place, even David and many other heroes of faith were really down. Here is David for example.
And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. (1 Samuel 30: 6 )
The Bible is clear on the matter, there are hard and tough times, but there is a hope. The emphasised word is BUT - meaning that there is an alternative. The alternative word is the key in the entire Bible. Here are some verses that tell the same story:
Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning (Psalms 30:5 )
What does it mean for us - we who suffer?
Like in the Revelations, one day our tears would be wiped and no longer will we worry, but that is not the end, we for fact know its not the wiping of tears that we really care about. We are going to meet our maker. Listen here, I am a computer programmer, and if one of my programs are faulty, I can still repair it, so much more is our Daddy's hand.
While we are still waiting for this day, we have an issue, our minds are sometimes auto tuned to garbage, but, we have something more, we have the Holy Spirit, who has given us the access and enables us to retune. May be, I wonder, may be these thoughts will last all my life, but the last few years, I have had immense relief, I did not have to act on this garbage thought. I was constantly re-tuned to God . It is for you too the provision, that God offers, you have the Spirit in you that says that you do not have to have your fears dictate your next step. This is what Christ does, the sting of death and the clutches of hell have no authority over you, and knowing this is your walk of salvation.
In the next few posts, we shall together examine on ways to hear God through pain. In the mean while, pray this prayer as in this song.
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