I am going through some tough time and it's not economical or productivity based but rather spiritual. I am constantly realising that I am a sinner and have lost my way. It also reminds me that I am not going to be any better in the future and wha a doomed life I live. Oh I wish I could share with you my pain. I long for redemption and sometimes I feel that I am nothing more than a hypocrite. I fear that I would be exposed for my sins both the present and the past. But it was only recently I was reminded that there is hope. This period was called anfechtugen, a period of valleys. The valleys are so deep that I often forget about there ever being a high ground. C S Lewis tells in his book the screw tape letters about this period. In this period I am more vulnerable to fall. Let me be kept reminded Lord that this period is temporary and keep fighting sin harder in this period as I need more strength.
....giving up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally